Australian Politics & Current Affairs
Mike Baird has proven the all haters wrong, after an independent review has shown “vibrancy” levels are up 224% since the lock-outs were imposed. The review, conducted by his best mate, and the state’s number one expert in people having a good time, could not have come at a better time for the Baird Government.
“Vibrancy and vibrancy-related incidents are at record levels”, Mr Baird said earlier today. “The casino is especially vibrant – nothing says ‘what a great night’ like poker machines going ape-shit. I once saw someone having a good time many years ago, so I know what it’s like. I’m thrilled at this report. Long live Pyrmont. I mean Sydney. Long live Sydney”.
The report uses several scientific measures to decide the official “vibrancy” levels, including features, the number of people doing their arse and getting stomped by bouncers, and goonbags consumed in Hyde Park.
Average punter, James of Barangaroo, couldn’t be happier. “I’m just stoked at how vibrant this city is” he told Too Smart By Half. “Just wait until this new casino opens – then we’ll have twice as many places to have a really, really good night”.